The #1 Way to Support a Mother Post-Miscarriage

In honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, I’m here to share the #1 way to support a mother post-miscarriage.

Experiencing a miscarriage is hands down one of the most physically and emotionally traumatic events of my life. While I felt my body physically rip to shreds so did my hopes and dreams for this child that would never make it home with us.

This experience is definitely not a single moment in time. We carry the grief, heartache, and pain for a lifetime. And some days, it hits you like a ton of bricks. Last week alone, I pulled into the parking lot at work and lost it. Absolutely lost it. Grief didn’t care that I had a meeting to prepare for at 9am. It didn’t care that I was not in a place where I could ride the emotional roller-coaster. I had to wipe my tears, pull myself together, and walk into work ready to rock.

So, there’s something I need you to know. I need you to know the #1 way to support a mother post-miscarriage.

Remember their baby.

From what I’ve experienced, people are there for you immediately following a miscarriage. The calls and texts to check on you. They send sympathy flowers and gifts. They offer to bring you food or cook for you. ALL incredibly helpful to the grieving and recovery process.

But as it normally goes with other losses, the more time that passes, the less you see of check-ins and sympathy gifts. I’ve been there myself. I totally get it. Life gets busy. Time escapes you. And before you know it, it’s been years before you’ve checked in with someone who has experienced great loss.

Remember their baby now and forever.

Mothers of miscarriage don’t have a memory bank to tap into as they grieve over the years. They don’t have imagery and memories to replay in their minds. For me, having these memories of others I’ve lost has put a quick smile on my face and has helped me tremendously as I grieve.

Instead, for our babies, we can only cling to the hopes and dreams we once had. The “what ifs” and “should have beens”. It is often a lonely journey.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.

You can absolutely come alongside mothers post-miscarraige to remember and honor their baby with them.

Practical Tips for Remembering Their Baby

Set Calendar Reminders: The #1 thing you can do is add the anniversary date of their loss to your calendar and set-up annual reminders for this date. I’ve done that for those in my own circle who have experienced miscarriage.

Be Mindful of Miscarriage Trauma Triggers: As Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, October weighs heavy on my heart each year. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Mother’s Day, and Father’s Day also weigh incredibly heavy on my heart. Be mindful of what triggers may exist for those in your life, and set calendar reminders for these, too.

Take Action on Those Reminders: When that reminder pops up, take action! This could be a text, phone call, letter, flowers, or gift sent to the mother on the anniversary of losing their baby or in the weeks leading up to that date. It could be a quick “Happy Mother’s Day, thinking of you and your baby.”

This small gesture demonstrates to mothers that their baby’s memory is alive and is one of the most supportive things you can do for your loved one in their lifelong grief journey. That’s all we could ever hope for.

With love,

Ally Rod