This last weekend, I spent a day in my favorite place with some of my favorite people. The beautiful Ocotillo Wells desert and off-roading playground with my husband, sons, and mother-in-law.
When we were knee deep in the heartache of infertility and miscarriage, we’d come out here to our favorite desert. We’d zip around in our Jeep and quads. We’d always race over to the Salton Sea, even though it’s quite smelly and murky. We’d always forget to put on sunscreen, but proudly sported those sunburns for the days that followed. We snacked and snacked (okay, fine. I snacked… chip queen over here).
And in those moments we were free.
We were free of the pain of living without our baby. Free of the constant reminders of the children we didn’t have. Free of the heartache of trying so hard for so long to achieve a dream that seemed increasingly unattainable.
Time spent in this desert gave me the mental and emotional relief I needed to continue on and push forward when I just wanted to give up.
This is my hope for others currently enduring infertility or miscarriage.
Please give yourself moments of freedom.
Even if it is only once in a while. Even if your friends and family have to beg you… I know my husband had to convince me several times to get out of the house and to that desert.
Pick up that book and get lost in a story. Say yes to that outing with friends. Dress up and try that new dinner spot with your partner.
Whatever your freedom moment looks like, go for it!
In looking back on our journey, I wish I had given myself more freedom from the heartache chaining me to the house and preventing me from living the life I was so graciously blessed to have. I wish I had said yes to joy more often than I said yes to bitterness.
I know it is so hard to think about anyone or anything other than the baby you’re missing and the children you yearn to have in your arms. Maybe your struggle looks different… whatever it may be, I know it can be SO hard to focus on anything else.
But can I challenge you?
Can I challenge you to plan and commit to just one thing in the next month that will give your heart a little freedom? Just one.
You’ve got this. You CAN do it. And you’ll be so glad you did. I’m cheering you on always. Drop a comment below with what you plan to do!