One Year into Mommyhood: An Open Letter to My Angel

My dear angel,

One year ago today, I found out I was pregnant with you, our first little love. The sweet little angel who made me a mommy, a role I’ve longed for such a long time. All week, Facebook Memories has reminded me of all the sweet moments Daddy and I had with you unknowingly in my belly. We spent time in Idyllwild with family and went on Jeep cruises. I planted flowers at work with fellow staff. All the while, you were there.

And I wish you still were. I wish I could have met you. And held you. And kissed your forehead.

You made me a mommy a year ago, and I will treasure the sweet time we did have together. It was too short, but it was so very special.

I will always hold dear to my heart the morning I told Daddy about you. The joy and surprise in his face reflected mine.

We dreamt about you for so long, and all that we would get to do with you.

A lot has changed in this first year. We met your big brothers! They’re beautiful boys with so much love to give. Seeing their smile and hearing their giggle makes me wish I could have known yours.

Today, I go to the doctor to check on your little brother. It’s definitely a weird space to be in… so very grateful for the gift of your baby brother while simultaneously missing you, my first little baby. So excited about how much he’s grown inside me, while feeling saddened that you weren’t granted that same chance.

A year into mommyhood… I say good morning to two spunky little boys, a baby bump, and a ring. Your ring. I smile at it as the reminder and peace of knowing we’ll be together one day. But today, it’s just a little more difficult than others.

I love you. I miss you. More with each day.

A mother’s heart is not bound by Earth. You have a piece of mine with you in heaven.

With love,

Mommy ❤️