During our home study and licensing process, we were asked if we had thought about what would happen to the kids in the unfortunate situation that both Steven and I were to die while they were minors. It’s an extremely difficult thing to think about. Especially now after loving on these two gifts from God and growing a third. When we talked about it, we said, “Say the name of the person you’d want to raise our kids if we couldn’t. One. Two. Three. Go!”


In perfect unison.

Whom we lovingly call Sissy is my cousin, sister, best friend, and confidant. I wish there was a word to perfectly describe what she means to us. She has seen me through all of life’s most difficult curveballs, and sweetest gifts. She has talked sense into me more times than I can count, and has offered never ending love, advice, encouragement, and butt-kicking into gear. She has picked me out of the pits of depression, grief, and sadness. Literally. She has a gift for words, and her words have been the turning point for me on how I view my circumstances and value myself as I endure them.

When Steven and I got together, they instantly clicked. I remember one of her friends in college said at one point, “Your cousin’s fiancé calls you?” to which she replied, “Yes, my primo calls me.” 😁

So, as we discussed the tough decision of who would raise our children if we couldn’t, Sissy made the decision easy.

We would want someone who could keep our individual memories alive, but also our marriage and deep love for one another. Sissy has seen some of our worse fights and dumbest arguments, but also our day-to-day love and big wins. She has seen the loving glances, the “heck yes, I’m SO proud of you” fist bumps, and our hands wiping the tears of the other. She has endured our ridiculous, but oh so cute made-up language and never ending variation of nick names.

I can imagine her answering our son’s question of “what do you think mama and daddy are doing right now” with “probably arguing about where to eat dinner… and your mom has no idea what she wants.”

We would want someone who shares our values and beliefs and would make decisions for our kids with us in mind, but also using her own good judgment. Someone who always has their best interest in mind. Someone who would encourage them to explore different cultures, embrace different ideas, and learn alternative histories. Someone who would teach them and show them the love and grace of Jesus. Someone who would encourage kindness, and compassion toward others. Understanding and appreciation of different viewpoints.

Someone who would teach them the value of hard work, not only because we have worked hard, but because she has also. Someone who can give them real advice about overcoming adversity and enduring trials. Someone who could share about how important it is to give everything to God for we have all learned that the hard way.

Someone who could say, “when your mom went through something similar, she did…”

Or, “when your dad was bullied as a kid, what helped him is that he talked about it. Let’s talk about it.”

Or, “I think your parents would want you to read this bible verse right now.”

Someone who would ensure our kids continued to have rich relationships with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.

Someone who would love them for who they are. Someone whose love for them has everything to do with the fact that they are ours. Someone who held our hands through every struggle that led them to us, and would carry in her own heart the deep love and gratitude we feel for being so abundantly blessed to be their forever mama, daddy, and godmama. Someone who sees us in them… not because our blood pumps in their veins, but because we already live in their hearts and they in ours. (Sissy, apologies in advance if they pick up my not-so-lovable traits, and here’s to pushing for them to have Steven’s best ❤️)

Someone who has experienced the beauty of adoption and would ensure our kids value every bit of their history and story. Someone who could help them through the hard questions. Someone who would support their desire (if it came to be) to meet their birth family when they’re adults… because she knows that is what we would do.

So, to the Rodriguez family, Godmother has such deep meaning. And we are so grateful that Sissy has so lovingly and selflessly embraced what that role means to our family. I pray that we get to raise our kids and live to parent and love them as adults. But I know that if that should not be, they will be in the best of hands. We love you so, so, so much Godmama. You have helped me become a better version of myself, and I know you are going to help us be the best parents possible. Steven, the babies, and I are so blessed to have you.

With love,

AllyChan (special sign-off just for you)

P.S. Godmother duties include Binks… and Puggy. Sorry, did I forget to mention that part? You may need to cut your hair. And purchase less black clothing. And buy lots of lint rollers.

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