Butterflies 

Have you ever wondered why people say they have butterflies in their stomach? It’s something I’ve always just said, but never truly understood what it meant. All this week, I’ve had butterflies in my stomach. 

So, finally I googled: “What does butterflies in my stomach mean?” And basically, it’s one of your body’s physical symptoms of feeling nervous or anxious. 

What a nervous time it’s been. 

Last week, Steven and I confirmed our adoption home study appointments. The home study is a set of meetings held in our home that are intended to prepare us for adoption, and help our social worker gather more information about us, our lifestyle, our support network, and our child preferences in order to facilitate placing children in our home. 

While we are not necessarily in the homestretch for the official adoption through the court, we are in the homestretch of being matched with our future babies. 

And, I’ve been kinda freaking out. I honestly never thought we would make it to this point in the process. There were so many setbacks along the way, that I often wondered if they were signs that we weren’t meant to be parents. But, having set those appointments, it all started to become real, and my stomach has been flip flopping all week. 

I spent the last few days preparing for our home study. 

I’ve been researching child care facilities. Guys. Hold up. I’m so close to becoming a mommy that I’m researching child care facilities. What?!?! 

But… This is how I’ve been doing it. 

Where is the, “I don’t know” box? 😳

I’ve cleaned every inch of my house again. I have this irrational fear that if they see a spec of dust in our house, that we won’t be able to adopt. Honestly, my husband’s not complaining. Haha 😊 

I’ve been doing more work in the kids room, too. I’ve got sheets and blankets in the crib, books & puzzles organized on the shelves, and toys organized in the closet. 

Just as it’s starting to look like a child will be here any day now, it’s starting to feel that way, too.  I don’t think I’ve let my heart truly feel the excitement of this until now. I’ve held this shield up all this time to protect my heart from disappointment, but I can finally feel myself releasing that. I can finally feel myself handing that shield over to God, and just feel his peace in knowing this adoption will happen (and soon!). 

Our first of three home study meetings was held tonight. Steven and I have been so nervous. We’ve been told that the home study can be fairly intimate and somewhat invasive, and we had no idea what to expect. We’ve been googling sample home study questions and asking each other questions to help us with thinking through our responses. 

Our social worker was running a little late. So, Steven and I had an extra 30 minutes to really let those butterflies flutter. I don’t think we’ve ever sat so silently in our house, just waiting for the door knock. 

When she finally walked in our front door, it’s like God walked in with her. She was so warm and reassuring that we instantly felt the nerves slip away. Plus, we had to focus on getting Pugs to stop barking! 🤦🏻‍♀️

Of the many questions we covered, she asked us how we met, how we knew we wanted to get married, and how we showed our love for one another. I shared that I was attracted to the security and stability I felt with Steven. Something I didn’t feel much of before I met him. He shared that he admired my drive and passion to reach my goals, and that he looked up to me in that way. 

And it was like falling in love all over again. It was an opportunity to share things about one another that we’ve never really voiced before, but have always felt in our heart. She said she could feel and see the love between us, and the ways we sacrifice for one another. And I just know that our future kiddos will, too. 

Through the course of our conversation, I shared how this process has grown my faith and trust in God so much.  She shared that she was also Christian, and said that she found humor in the process of prospective adoptive parents selecting their criteria and setting their parameters when she knew the big guy upstairs has already planned it all out. 

I then said a silent prayer of thanks to God for sending us someone who loved Him, too. Someone who would understand when we said that we have faith in His plan for us through this process. Someone who was so reassuring and understanding. 

My prayers used to be for this process to hurry on up! But now, I’m content in the timing. I’m grateful for this time to prepare and plan. My prayer now is for Steven and I to hear God’s guiding voice when it comes time to decide which children we choose to learn more about, and which children ultimately become ours. I hope you all can join us in that prayer. 

Steven has his individual interview on September 4th, and I have my individual interview on September 6th. The social workers then write, submit, and approve our home study report, which can take a few months. But, she said that if all stays on track, we’ll be ready for matching by December! 

I’m not sure how quickly we’ll be matched with a child, or how quickly we’ll find the right match for us, but I’m so, so happy to know that we are well on our way!! ❤️ 

Thank you, God, for covering us in your peace tonight. Adios, butterflies. Thank you for sweet reminders and signals that you have gone before us and are with us every step of the way. I pray that wherever our kiddos are right now, they are safe and protected, cared for and loved. 

Thank you all for your continued support and prayers! ❤️

With love, 

Ally Rod

P.S. This is pretty much how our whole interview went. 😂