Living Childproof but Childless

We had our adoption pre-licensing home visit on June 23, 2017. As we walked into the children’s room, the analyst looked around and checked items off her list. Age-appropriate bed? Check. Adequate linens and bedding? Check. Ample drawer and closet space? Check. Fire Detector? Check. Adequate lighting and window coverings? Check.

She then turned to us, and asked, “Do you have toys for the children?” My husband and I quickly looked at one another, each trying to disguise our bewildered expression. I responded, “We planned to buy toys after we’ve been placed with the child, and know their age and gender, likes and dislikes.” She recommended that we have some toys in our house now, so that we are prepared for an immediate placement.

We continued throughout our walkthrough, relieved and excited with everything she was able to check off the requirements list. Overall, the visit went very well, and she left us with a few “to-do” items to complete in order to receive our license. As I added “toys” to the list along with childproofing supplies, I realized that we were being called to live in a childproof, but childless home. For an undetermined period of time.

After the licensing analyst left, wishing us well in our parenting journey, I stood in the doorway of our future child’s room overcome with a sense of uncertainty. If I were pregnant, we would eventually find out if we were having a boy or a girl (or both!) and would clearly be having an infant. We would have a sense of when the baby would enter this world and come home with us. We would have a good understanding of the supplies, clothes, and furniture we would immediately need. I know parents are never 100% ready for all that comes with parenthood, but we could achieve some level of preparedness.

But, let me tell you… There is something so surreal about preparing your home for a child you know nothing about. There is an endless number of unknowns that come with adopting a child of any gender. One who could be in diapers or in school!  

Little one, we don’t know when you will arrive. We don’t know if you are a little boy or little girl or how old you are. Will you like dolls or cars or Legos or coloring or playing outside? We have no idea what you will look like. You won’t have Mommy’s eyes or Daddy’s nose (and truthfully, Daddy is glad you won’t have my feet! LOL). But, my precious little one, you already own our hearts, and we are preparing as best we can for your arrival.

We may not know all these things about you yet, but we know that wherever you are right now, you are ours. God created you for us and us for you. We know that all the good, bad, and ugly in your short life journey has been to bring you to us, and our journey will renew with you. In His perfect timing, you will be playing with these toys, and depending on your age, trying to break through all this childproofing gear.  

The good news is that all these efforts have paid off… because we came home from vacation today to a very important piece of paper in our mailbox. OUR FOSTER FAMILY HOME LICENSE!!! We can now move on to the next step in the adoption process!

So, we will live in this childproof home, knowing that someday soon, it will no longer be childless. Until then, little one, mommy and daddy love you.  

With Love,
Ally Rod

P.S. A huge thank you to all my parents, sisters, and boss who sprang into action when we shared that we needed a crib and toys. Your giving hearts have filled our kiddo’s room with lots of toys and books, and have helped us move through this phase of the process so quickly. We are thankful everyday for the support of our family and friends.